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Facade that seems real.
but not knowing what is beneath it,
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http://endure-the-unseen.blogspot.com Tears of frustration, she held within So tied down, she's suffocating The mask she wears to hide it all Those suppressed hurts behind the wall Too held up in things, the world passed Oblivious to her hurts inside One day, she finally gave up Sink into despondency Nobody cares, she's torn apart She wanted to become a star Shinning in the sky for others Looking down from the sky Looking back at all the past that happened The tears she cried The hidden feelings she's never shown She wonders if there's really love She wonders if she is worth being loved She wonders if there will be a day where she can fall madly in love Maybe its love Only when there's forever her story Tuesday, June 30, 2009! SORRY JULIA, :( DUN ANGRY K? I'LL GO WITH U ANOTHER TIME.. AND U KNOW THAT I STILL LOVE U DE LOR.. after econs today went with michelle, rui shan, melody and rs's bro to rs's church there to study.. den they very high until i feel very tired now.. did econs tutorial and pom a bit.. lol cos the weather today really like can sleep de lor.. den we talked quite a bit also.. den after that went to 85 there for dinner.. the food was nice haha.. den melody and rui shan there also still quite high when me and michelle already like cmi already lol.. den abt 6 plus we left walked to bus stop and they still high-ing lol.. dunno why they got so much energy haha.. i was like :/ already.. but now still need finish cs1 den can sleep :( i'll try blog smth happier tmr.. anw, michelle sorry.. really.. i know u did alot for me and... but i think need more time.. i'll try figure something out soon.. idk if we'll be together but i really thank u for all u did.. and all the time u spent for us.. really sorry :( Monday, June 29, 2009!
wad's happiness? it seems far far away from me.. everyone might see it differently, but, if we really think about life now, how often do we really find ourselves smiling? how often do we really feel happy being "ourselves" infront of others.. how often do we look back and not regret on things we have done? how often do we spend time with our family members? how often... it goes on.. i think i really need to learn how to live life the way it is, life isn't easy at all, many things happen and i really felt so lost.. like no one really understand how i felt when i really wanted to give up on learning piano cos' i felt stupid, i don't see a point in playing or learning something that i'm starting to hate.. and like i also start to wonder wad's God plan for me to be here? am i here just to make ppl's life miserable or a little happier? do i really matter to anyone.. i feel like i've distant from God, by quite alot.. my faith in God, i really wonder how much it is now.. like how much do i trust God with everything that is happening to me.. i've been crying quite often nowadays, feeling sad over somethings, stressed over projects, tired out by everything, blamed by all.. i really feel like giving up.. but i know i cant.. and i know God is there for me.. i just have to realise it and feel it..  den had piano lesson after that, i was like scared that might get scolded again today.. but din.. haha suprisingly.. she just kept telling me need think before playing and... hopefully wont get scolded next time also.. i feel so slack once i reach home.. like sort of drained? like no mood do tutorials or anything.. this is not good :( how? Saturday, June 27, 2009!
"爱到不爱的境界.."❤ if only i could do that.. or maybe i did it once already.. but now i'll have to learn it all over again? sorry but i still feel sad today.. the feeling is just there.. i think i have to stop thinking about it before i really fall into it and it's be damn hard to get out of it.. that's for sure.. i dun want to hurt u or anything.. i dun want to get hurt also.. it's painful enough already.. i guess u know that too.. when u ignore me i feel sad, but idk why.. and i'm really scared to know wad my heart really feels.. Friday, June 26, 2009!
just when u think u're happy, something happens and it makes u sad.. a word or two from u and it hurts, i didn't know that it/u would matter so much to me, but it just did.. i told myself not to care, but my heart just doesn't listen.. wad am i suppose to do? i tried and pretend not to care but it doesn't seem to work.. maybe i should just disappear for some time and i'll stop myself from thinking abt u.. Thursday, June 25, 2009!
got back our csa and comm skills essay ytd.. lol.. i was like suprised by my comm skills essay result lol.. like first time after 2 years i finally passed "english".. got 32/50.. at that moment i was happy (: like really lol.. but csa, hahaha like almost all of the girls got 25/50 haha.. cos mr quek helped us pull up de i'm sure.. cos he like find somewhere to just give 1 more mark to pass us liddat.. but pom paper next week den getting back but she said no one failed!!! hahaha i quite happy.. at least this sem din fail anything lol.. and got 1 A.. not very proud to say but i still happy.. but will work much harder for the coming tests and projects.. what if i think i'm slowly falling for you? but i'm scared to do anything or say anything.. cos' i don't know if ur feelings for me will last.. or even if my feeling will last.. cos i dun want to hurt u or anything.. Tuesday, June 23, 2009! today, got back econs paper got a D+ not bad la.. at least i din fail.. but i'll work harder for all the coming exams and test already.. i hate this feeling of being so worried of getting back papers and might fail that kind.. 7 ppl got A.. lol.. but damn crap cos tmr getting back comm skills essay and csa paper.. i think both gg one.. but hopefully my csa excel project can help a little.. 20% la.. plus the excel test 15%.. hopefully (: lecture today was sian cos i felt like sleeping but she ended the lecture at abt 10.20am.. like 40 mins earlier so quite happy la.. haha.. but din go for pom lecture today.. and friday also cannot make it cos got piano.. haix 2nd lecture that i'll be skipping ): econs tutorial today also like nth one.. she gave back papers den came around to check our project and give marks.. but i think the marks shouldn't be mine lor.. like i din do much at all :X den tutorial ended like abt 1.10pm like 50 mins earlier lol.. first time la.. went out with rui shan, michelle and melody after econs tutorial to T1.. bought a shorts from cotton on.. rui shan, melody and michelle they bought more than me lol.. den we went to saycheezecake to eat.. we all ate until like super full lol.. couldn't finish the fries also.. den melody left earlier for tpsu duty.. so we three went to walk around.. den also went to cut hair.. lol.. at first only rui shan wanted to cut.. but after she cut alr make me feel like cutting also.. so cut my hair alr.. hmm michelle say looks nicer but idk lol.. den we ate ben's and jerry ice cream lol.. had fun talking and going out with them today (: though i feel a little sad now.. "i'm scared to fall in love, so i'm pretending not to care if u would even notice.." Econs project was like difficult for me, idk why.. tmr/ today suppose show her.. it's like 5 marks only but everyone chiong-ing like idk wad.. but just like i somehow just din know how to do it.. struggled very long den rui shan helped a little.. but choon yip helped like really alot.. almost all.. if he din help me i think i today sure gg one.. so really THANKS A LOT (: x many many TY! Monday, June 22, 2009! all thanks to our csa project.. but tks to daryl and jia wen for helping me with the pivot table though it's a bit weird.. but better than leaving it blank lol.. and RS's project.. sorry ah.. din haf time do much for urs.. hopefully can at least get 60 for urs.. comm skills today was sian like usual.. almost wanted to fall asleep.. den ba was okay la.. got back our mid-sem paper.. i got A but like low A.. quite sad.. but happy for ppl that did well (: den had apel also.. left 3 more lessons i think den no more apel alr.. hahaha.. went for piano after that.. i was really damn tired until i couldnt really feel myself there.. like half asleep kind of thing.. den she scolded a little.. but i wasnt really concentrating i know that.. den now haf to do econs.. idk how to do.. stuck alr.. can someone help me? :( HAPPY BIRTHDAY XI HUA!! (: Sunday, June 21, 2009!
went to singapore flyer today with church youth.. had some games before that and there were some new friends too.. hopefully they'll be coming even during fellowship (: i think all of us will be more than happy to see them at church.. den met up with kerine and daryl at abt 9 plus 10pm at airport T3 there to discuss for Comm Skills and CSA.. it was quite fun la.. haha.. laugh, talk and all.. and kerine ah.. dun emo already okay.. if not later someone spam u with the :) faces.. lol.. though we din really do much.. more talking than doing work but at least did some which is not bad alr i think :X lol.. but no time already.. need finish CSA and Comm skills by tmr.. and POM and ECONS!!! ahhh.. how? and piano ): sorry really needed a sad face there.. but i somehow feel like giving up already.. okay maybe ya i'm quite lazy to practice, but also i dun really haf the time to.. but i guess no one really understand that so nvm ): i'll just try hard to perservere on and hopefully it'll bear fruits lol.. i'm feeling so sleepy already.. nites (: i think everyone's in their lala~land already.. but here i'm blogging lol.. sch's starting soon :( holidays(not really holidays) are over so quickly.. Friday, June 19, 2009! den had dinner with daryl, jia wen and james.. at pastamania again lol.. din had much thing to do.. daryl wanted to watch drag me to hell but someone scared so din watch.. i also dun dare actually haha.. den we walked around for a while.. and cos michelle's bro needed his lappy, so walked her home.. and it was tiring lor haha.. after walk there we din really want to walk back so took bus back to interchange, den went to mac sat there talk talk a while.. Thursday, June 18, 2009! Lord, I am about to be ready to commit myself to someone I fell in love with. Could I take him now? I have prayed for him for quite a time now. But the Lord answered. No, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and content with being loved by me alone. You need to give yourself totally unreserved to me because in me your satisfaction is to be found. And when you learn to commit yourself to me alone then, only then is the right time for you to be capable of perfect human relationship that I have planned for you long you thought at it. You will never be united with another until you are united with me. You will never learn to speak and understand the true language of love until you hear me speak it. You will never learn how it is to love and be loved until you feel the tender touch of my LOVE. I want you to stop planning. Stop wishing and allow me to step in and give you the most surprising and exciting plan that you can imagine. You are my child. I want you to have the best. Please allow me to bring it to you. Fix your eyes on me and expect the greatest things as you watch. Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I AM. Learn all the things I tell you and be patient. Just wait. Don’t be anxious. Do not worry. Don’t look around and feel at the things others may have got. Yours will be different because I LOVE YOU. Don’t look at things you think you want. They may not be the things I want for you. Look up straight at me because you might miss what I want to show you. And then, when you’re ready. I’ll surprise you with a lover far more wonderful than what you would ever dream of. But I won’t let you have it until you are ready and the one I prepared for you is ready, until you are both satisfied exclusively with me and the LIFE I have prepared for you. -Unknown author- i read this from someone' s blog, and it really seemed so true, that i've been losing faith in God sometimes, that i wonder why am i even going to church for.. i've not been doing quiet time for quite some time already.. and when i see my sister doing it, i'll be wondering to myself, Grace, wad are u doing? why are u losing control of wad u should be doing? God should always be ur first priority, not other things.. and until i'm sure of wad God wants for me, i'll stop planning and live life the way God wants me to.. to be happier, much more than wad i am feeling right now.. I'll learn to start from the beginning, to do quiet time everyday if i can, to not tell myself that cos' i'm tired or lazy, cos i think it's only dat time that God really speak to us.. and it's only than that i can find comfort in (: and to let God be the one that guide and lead me in all that i do.. learning to live the life that God wants.. the life that i can show people how by having God can cause a change me, in each and everyone of us.. I LOVE YOU LORD ❤
will there be a day when i'll be loved? will there be a day that i hear u missing me? will there be a day that i won't be alone anymore? will there be a day that when i need to feel the sunshine, u'll be there? will there be a day that i can feel happy just seeing u? will there ever be any of these days when i'm still living and able to see it? i doubt so, cos' there are only days i cry when i see u, there are only days when i wished so badly that u are there but u aren't, there are only days when i prayed hard just wanting to see u for that very second, there are only days when i tried very hard to not think of u because i'll only find myself crying every tear i could, there are only days when i wanted to tell u that i miss u so badly but i couldn't, there are only days that i find myself hiding in the room trying hard to ease all the pain and hurt of missing u, the only day that i remebered was the day u smiled at me, your smile meant more than anything i could hope for. Sunday, June 14, 2009! KAREN, tks lots.. for all those u've said.. really helped (: Saturday, June 13, 2009!  life's never a happy one, no one knows wad will happen next, no one knows if things do last. we just try very very hard to life live, like no matter how hard it is, and many times we try hard to follow our heart. but when things don't turn out right, we tend to blame, everyone, everything, including ourselves. than we start to wonder when will we ever make the right decisions, we start to fear to love, fear being loved. wondering when this will stay, if feelings really last, how long will it ever be? no one has any answer to it i guess.. i'm sorry for being a little emo again.. how long can this feeling last? Thursday, June 11, 2009! does sleeping help to end all my problems? can i just sleep and not wake up? "The thought of suicide is a great source of comfort; with it a calm passage is to be made across many a bad night." - Friedrich Nietzsche
we're all not perfect,
went to kallang today supposingly to celebrate jordan's birthday.. but we din really celebrate cos he had to leave.. so gave him the cake and present den he left.. so me, michelle, kerine, daryl, choon yip, jia wen and james went to watch movie lol.. watched monster vs aliens lol.. it was funny.. hahaha movie started at 7.05pm ended at abt 8.30pm den me, michelle and kerine wanted to eat ice-cream so we went to buy the ice-snow thing.. den wanted play bowling but too many ppl already.. so we went and sat outside and played truth or dare lol.. like only daryl and michelle keep kena-ing lol.. but today was quite fun though not alot of ppl went (: wad should i do? Wednesday, June 10, 2009! i'm sorry for making u confused. i din mean to bring all that up. sorry ): HAPPY BIRTHDAY JULIA!! ((: Tuesday, June 09, 2009! lol i din really know wad to blog abt today.. besides staying home do fellowship stuff, nth much.. i've been slacking ): but after reading michelle's blog i had somethings that i just feel like blogging abt..  I realised that every now and then, we face many many trials and temptations. and many of us tend to fall and cant pull ourselves out of it. i know how it feels like to be hurt so badly that u just feel like ending ur life. and at that point of time, we think that no one care for us, like who in the world would care if i die? like maybe everyone would be happier without me around. the feeling of not being loved by the one whom u love so much that he means everything to u. the one that hurts u so badly but u still love him/her no matter wad happens.  ★ it's totally not easy to get over a person u really love/like. i know that cos' i've been through that. that was the saddest period of time in my life. it was when i cried myself to sleep every single day, thinking abt nothing but him, sad until a point that i rather see myself bleed than to feel all the pain. hiding all my emotion and feelings infront of my family and friends. but now, it's all over, somethings if meant not to be urs, just let go of it. it takes alot of courage and time, and time doesn't heal all scars and wounds, it would only lessen them. but,  there's no point holding on when he doesn't love u anymore.  and,  ★ i really thought i couldn't survive through the hurts and pain, but somehow i did, i came out alive, it was cos of many of my close friends who helped me through those tough and sad period, listening to me talk, cry and whine. i really am grateful for all of them. cos'  ★ sometimes, God just wants us to learn things by the hard way, things might not go the way we want them to, but there's always a reason for it to happen.  everything will pass one day, we'll all grow up and mature, i guess we should all have the courage to let go of the past, cos' the future is wad is infront of us, many things await for us, if we don't try, dun see, we'll never know wad might/will happen. sorry for blogging so much today.. started blogging at 9 smth but only finish at 1 smth lol.. Monday, June 08, 2009!  In our lives, many things happen.. do they happen for a reason i'm not sure. only God knows.. it's through all these things and people that makes us grow stronger, mature and think more abt life. why are we even here in the first place? hmm.. for christians i guess we all know that God has a plan for each and everyone of us.. he has a purpose for us being here.. is just whether we've found it or not.. In my life, i've met many people that have brought alot of happiness and uncountable sadness to me.. like when they just enter ur life without ur approval, without u knowing.. they're just there.. u wouldnt know their existance until they cause or made an impact in ur life. some are just too nice for u to forget, but some, u just cant forget. no matter wad u do, they'll just remain in ur life.. they may not even know that u exist, they may not feel ur presence, one day everyone will be gone, who knows who will rmb u? the pain, cuts, aches, breakdown, tears, sorrow and all.. no one see them. they're all hidden behind the mask.. the fake us.. the one that we use to hide our inner feelings, true feelings. it's only than will we know who we really are.. it tells us how strong we can be.. we all need people that bring us down so as to allow us to mature.. to learn how to be strong and stand up on our own. cos life is like a storm.. it's only after it can we see the rainbow and sun.. so we have to learn to endure through the storm to hope for a better tmr (: knowing that God will always be there no matter wad happens. he'll always be there to carry us through difficult times in our lives.. I'm not sure if i can live life positively.. cos many a times things happen and it really kills sometimes.. even when u know that u shouldn't let it kill u.. sometimes, life really seem like there's just no way out for us.. it's the end.. but at that point, i guess we can only rely on God.. he'll lead us and guide us out of the darkness to see the truth and light.. 'Till the sun grow cold, would be the day that i stop loving u, or the day that u' might love me.. cos it'll never happen.. Friday, June 05, 2009!
I'm sorry Julia ): went over to julia's house today to celebrate her birthday, but before that met up with karen to get julia's present and shop a little lol.. there was quite alot of food but i din eat much.. i only ate 2 sushi and a pizza? and some grapes which caused some weird feeling in my stomach.. carissa they all played truth or dare.. but played with wasabi so i din want to.. i know i won't be able to take it.. but they just kept asking us to play.. julia, we din mean not to play.. i din mean to spoil ur mood too.. dun sad ah.. u know that i love u haha.. den camwhore with them.. those that were there were like karen, denise, xin yee, elaine, carissa, yi xia, hui yi, gillian, natalie.. only yi xia and natalie din stay over.. the rest of us did.. some slept in the living room den a few of us slept in julia's room.. but we slept quite late though haha.. like 4 am in the morning lol.. den me and julia woke up at abt 7 plus.. den all ate cup noodles for breakfast cos din know wad to eat.. lol..     
actually there are alot of things that i wanted to say/blog.. but it's too much to be typed out.. maybe i'll say it another time.. "wonder if someone will ever take notice me..." Thursday, June 04, 2009! MID-SEM TEST IS FINALLY OVER!!! But, i dont feel happy at all.. i have no idea why.. i felt like crying just now.. But after talking to karen, xin yee, sandra, vincent, daryl and michelle i felt a little better already.. at least there are friends who are there when i needed someone to encourage and talk to me.. tks (: List of things to be done after tmr: 1) Youth Fellowship on 13/6 2) Plan for the fellowship on 27/6 3) Practice Piano + Piano Hw 4) Start doing econs project 5) Complete CSA project 6) Comm Skills project? 7) POM Project Jiaqi is coming back on July 10!!! i feel drained, like all's gone, there's no more left, wondering if i'll be known, knowing that i'll not.. Wednesday, June 03, 2009! so sian.. why did i waste so much time slacking??? argh.. and karen, dun eat too much lol.. just a little would do.. haha.. studying ba tmr with some of my classmates.. hopefully we'll all do well for ba at least (: i want a Z for BA!!! lol..worst case only a A.. Monday, June 01, 2009! but haix.. hang on!! tests will end soon.. i dunno why am i even studying like liddat now.. but i don't feel motivated still ): i feel sad.. but i have no idea why.. the feeling is just there.. |
girl living in her own world Grace.T September 14th 1992 Ex St.Margs girl Graduated from Smps, Smss Currently studying in Temasek Poly yr 3 BSG(Dip in Bus)!!! ❤ 3B12 (: tse_1992@hotmail.com A girl that is quite emotional! BEWARE! moodswings! ♥ God cos' he love her too! Tied down to church on 021207 Music is what she loves I just simply enjoy being a secondary school girl. And yea, I'm eighteen. You can bold ; italic ; underline & desires - ♥ ___ - Find back myself - Meet up with classmates! - - New wallet that can put pic - iPod Touch - 165cm tall! - new shoes - polaroid - new clothes - - Watch movies > > > > > The Last Song - Sony Cybershot T700 - Go out more with friends! - plan 4e2 class reunion - Go out with Jia qi when she's back - Learn how to play guitar - Get a new pencilcase - Enjoy Poly life in TP (: - Do well in poly and aim not to fail any subjects! - Be loved, feel loved, to love - Be nicer to everyone and myself the best damn thing 4E2 (: Alyssa Carissa Caroline Cherry Jasmine ❤ Karen ❤ Marion Oviyum Sandra Sasha Tia Yan ping School Mates :D Arlene Amanda Aretha Charite Elaine Genevive Gloria Iman (: Jean Julia (: Olivia Pei lin Priscilla Si min Tricia Vera Church (= Bkccy Hong ting Hui min❤ Hui qi Jia qi (: Jie rui Jie si Jun le Sock ling Vanessa Yi qi Hui min ❤ 1B12 Alstar Choon yip Kerine Melody Michelle Nabila Noreen Zhijun (: 2B15 Winnie Seniors in SMSS ((: Ling Yogam Smps Friends/Other Friends ((: Audrey Austin Chris Hao ning Kimberly Nic tan Rebecca [: Vincent Xin yu Link leave a note archives May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 May 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 November 2011 January 2012 March 2012 credits designer 1 2 3 icons: i forgot. tell me if you know [: |
